i’ve never lived for myself.
i realize i’ve lived to keep those i love close to me that way they never leave my lives.
well… love is lost and friends move onward and with either groups i’m around neither. yet i still live to hold onto them.
i haven’t lived for myself… i’ve become a shell in which people do as they please as i age with time…
maybe my love is forever lost…
maybe my friendships are gone…
maybe i’ll never live for myself and
maybe i’ll always hope to find someone who i can live for…
and there will be times when you’ll never get those people back.
and when i mean “back” i mean back to the times that used to be. not a care in the world with y’all against everybody.
it’s the choices you make; whether mending torn pieces or throwing it all away that dictates
if again you found what had been lost
or had lost what you had once found…
i wanna be with you, but everything and anyone just seems to be going against us so damn much… it’s hard for us to be happy right now because of those “people that hate you.” just a reminder: everyone isn’t gonna hate you. your emotions and where they are are going to trick you into believing that the world’s against you. there’s still those who are willing to be your friend and thank them for doing so. i know this situation isn’t gonna ever be solved anytime soon because a close friend hasn’t quite mustered up the courage to confront you yet, but we’ve been letting this whole thing hinder our happiness and we shouldn’t be going about this way all the time. this love that we have is just going to get more difficult, but i’m willing to and still be here for you and you already know this…
of course, we both want everything to be the way it was before over a month ago: having fun with close friends at disneyland and watching wrestling together in one room as we all talk wrestling talk (because you and her seem to be the only cool girls outta pretty much all girls to know what us guys would talk about). but we know that can’t happen unless this business is settled.
if anyone involved is reading this: it’s wrong to talk about someone who considers you their closest friend in such a short amount of time, ESPECIALLY if those people feed off of drama. personal shit that was meant to be private should be kept that way. just because you’re only living only f***ing once on the outside and are more confused and miserable on the inside gives you no f***ing right to be talking about others like that. keep my girlfriend’s name outta your f***ing mouth if you don’t have anything better to do but gossip. you’re making our lives harder than they’ve already been these past weeks, and our relationship hasn’t gotten any better at all because of it. WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN F***ING LIVES, ASSHOLES!!!
as for you (and i hope you know who i’m referring to): please be brave and talk and sort this out with my girlfriend as soon as you possibly can… i know there’s no hate or bad blood between you two (and i’m praying to God that there isn’t), but i no longer wanna see the sadness in her eyes whenever you’re both in the same place at the same time. it’s understandable to let something slip in conversation that irked you, but if someone else talks even the slightest about my girlfriend, at least tell that person to lay off and defend her a bit. but since then it hasn’t been the same… one awkward encounter over another. a quick glance and evasion.
what i’m trying to tell you is that the more we prolong this whole thing, the more we’re gonna feel a little more distant from one another… i’ve tried working and communicating with the different parties involved, but without the two of you confronting each other how are we ever gonna be happy and move on? i know that you’re afraid to personally approach and talk to someone (believe me. so do i), but i beg of you now is the time to eliminate something such as that and settle this once and for all, that way this awkwardness that’s clouded us no longer exists.
watchin’ something so awesome with friends, good good, cheering and yelling at the top of your lungs for your wrestler, and watching your girlfriend get so amped as i was watching everything just made today a great day :)
Wrestlemania’s been made a staple in my group of friends for years now, and i’m hoping this traditionneverends. it’s one experience i impatiently wait for every year.
i already can’t wait ‘til WMXXIX!!!
- got her two gifts so far (another should be coming in soon and one more coming next month :P)
- got my secret santa a blu-ray (‘cuz i sorta needed the rest of my money to help make my car payment)
- and i think i’ll just give my siblings some money (and my nephew a trip to Disneyland!)
to my true friends: sorry i can’t get a gift for y’all that’ve been there for me through this rough year, so all i can offer is my friendship (‘cuz i’ma still be here, nigga!!!). next year’s birthdays i’ll give y’all somethin’, how ‘bout that? :)